Looking around as I tiredly move my feet, I spot the house with white paint and red bricks lining the front. Its slowly becoming less familiar the more I dissociate myself from the home that used to be so lively. No longer does this house feel like its my own anymore. I walk toward it, feeling like I’m walking towards someone I don’t talk to anymore, but still know everything except their name. A car in sitting in the driveway, I walk past it and head into the house, barging into the same uncomfortable tension that has been sitting and brewing for the past 6 years. There’s no word to describe it just… uncomfortable. I go through my usual, boring routine; telling my dad I had a good day even if it wasn’t, placing my bag down then retreating to my room where it seems my actual home is.
Whenever everyone is home, the living room is silent, only breathing and tapping can be heard. No talking. Its quiet these days but the house has pulled me into the confines of my room, where its quieter, and lonelier. I get to experience my own kind of quietness, not the one that my family gets to deal with. Mine feels like the house is suffocating me, but at the same time, its a comfortable quiet like its holding me in its arms tenderly. A love hate relationship if you will. We love each other but one wrong move and we’ll be at each others neck. It’s thin ice.
Every time I enter the house, I can tell more and more it has started to not take me in as a friend anymore, just somebody it used to know. I can also tell its trying to become my friend again as much as it may despise me. I’m not quite sure I want it to be my friend anymore. Yes, it’s trying its best, trying to be nice, to appeal to me, but I’m not sure I want it to now. For all the years I’ve been with it, thinking it was my best friend until it turned its back on me, leaving me alone and scared. It betrayed me and I can’t trust the warmness, knowing its all a front. Its been far away for far too long and now I can’t connect with it anymore. We’ll tolerate each other as the house silently wishes for me back.
(Picture Credit: Me)